I got this email and I thought to share it with you all. Ibe can also make use of your advice. Happy reading!
Dear Angie,
I am 30-years-old and I have been dating my present girlfriend for five months now. We spend a lot of time together; also, there is a very deep emotional connection right from the beginning of our relationship.
But here is the problem. My girlfriend won’t tell any of her friends or anyone that we are involved as she hides our relationship. And whenever she wants to introduce me to her friends, she introduces me as a ‘mere friend and that really hurts. Also, I noticed that she doesn’t like being seen with me in public.
I am proud to tell my friends that she is my girlfriend and that I love her very much but why can’t she do the same.
Whenever I confront her about this issue, she tells me what matters is that we are dating and she’s alright with that.
Although, some time ago, I was dazed when I was going through her album and I saw a photo of her and my ex-girlfriend. When I asked her who the lady was, she told me they were classmates in secondary school. She also asked me if I knew her and I honestly told her she was my ex and she grinned.
Why is she hiding our relationship? Is she ashamed, embarrassed or has something up her sleeves? Are my ex and present girlfriend both playing games with me? What should I do? Should I just end it? Please, I need your advice.
Worried Ibe
Dear Worried Ibe
So you have been seeing this lady for five months, you have a deep connection, yet, she pretends not to have any romantic connection whatsoever with you in public and also lies to her friends about your relationship when asked directly. What do you think?
Of course, she is either ashamed, hiding something from you or may even be dating someone else. It is possible that she may be uncomfortable about dating you after knowing your history with her friend but she doesn’t want to tell you straight to your face.
When a woman is really proud of her relationship, she wants all her friends to know about it. But for her to hide your relationship from her friends, it may mean that she only enjoys the intimacy, but has some issue about having a real boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with you openly.
At this point, the question you should ask yourself is if you are actually comfortable about being a “secret boyfriend”. If not try to figure out what her problem really is in regards to keeping your “relationship” a secret and find out if it’s something she’s ready to change now. But if she’s not, then, you should make a judgment call on whether or not you want to continue down this path with her.
I will like to state categorically that you are involved in what is called “back pocket” dating. Back pocket dating is where a guy or girl is dating someone that they have no commitment to, but enjoy all the benefits of a relationship until someone better comes along. Essentially, they are single to the rest of the world, but they have you in their back pocket and they can enjoy all of the benefits of being in a relationship without any commitment.
However, the tough part about being in someone’s back pocket is that once they find someone they truly love, you will be sent packing without thinking twice. So, it is best to figure out what you want right now. It is either you continue with the understanding that it’s not a committed relationship or break it off immediately and start dating someone else.
Besides, it is advisable to move on than wait for something to happen that may NEVER happen. It is very painful to be the standby, but it is more painful when you set yourself up for it.
He sincerely needs your advice. So please read and leave your advice in the comment section below.
